When The Tree Fell
by cherry.blossomz
Summary: On a random November day, Bella sees a stranger watching her. She can't shake his face from her mind. She sees him everywhere and once she summons the nerve to confront him, she discovers that Edward is a broken man. Bella is drawn to him, but she has convinced herself that she's happier alone. Edward, however, will not be dissuaded from his powerful feelings for her. A/H ANGST.
1. Prologue

_**A/N:**_

_**Here we are again. I'm posting this brief prologue before I lose my nerve. Maybe you'd like to enter this new world with me... it will be dark, as usual, with breaks of sunlight. Thank you to the loyal and lovely mariahajile for providing me with her outstanding beta services.**_

_**Enjoy and please let me know what you think.**_

_**For fic, I'm spitfirecherry on Twitter.**_

**Prologue**

There's something clean about November. The earth discards the old and unnecessary, revealing a stark and barren landscape. The air chills as the leaves die and depart, leaving the naked wilderness to sleep through winter, patiently waiting to be reborn when spring begins again. No span of time seems longer than a New England winter.

Bella was in the kitchen when it happened. Wrapped in a threadbare sweater sipping coffee brewed from her one cup coffee pot, she felt the floor vibrate and an ear splitting sound tore through the quiet of Sunday morning. She gripped the sink, bracing for the aftershocks that she was sure would come. But it couldn't have been an earthquake. Not in Kingsbridge. It could have been a bomb or a plane crashing. These things are not foreign in New York State. Moved by curiosity and feigning courage, she moved to the window to see what had happened.

With movements so swift she barely registered them, she ran down the stairs of her fourth floor walk-up, nearly slipping on water leaking form Mrs. Henry's plants in the hall. It was just about to rain and far too cold to be running down the block in slippers, but the cold didn't faze her. Bella had lived on this street for eight years, but the oak tree could have been one hundred times that in age. It was almost as if her neighborhood was built around that tree, and now it was lying lifeless in the middle of Cobalt Avenue surrounded by downed power lines, alive and dancing.

On her way home, she always saw its branches emerge above the rooftops as she walked and she knew she was almost there. In the summer, it gave a respite of shade from the harsh sunshine and unrelenting heat. The ice cream man used to park underneath it, and birds would flit and flock toward it and then back to the eaves of the nearby buildings.

Standing there staring at it, broken with its massive limbs scattered in the street, she felt like someone had died, and she wasn't quite sure why. With her chin trembling and tears in her eyes, she watched others rush past, stopping short once they had discovered the source of the horrendous sound. They stood with their hands clasped over their mouths, each of them just as stunned by the sight before them as she was.

While everyone stared at the monstrous dead oak in the middle of the street, Bella felt the sensation of being watched. She looked up at the homes surrounding her and saw many people leaning out their windows, looking at the downed tree, but no one was looking at her. The cold wind blew through her once again, and as the first icy rain drops began to fall, she saw a man straddling a motorcycle, staring directly at her. He gripped his handlebars and smiled, but it wasn't friendly. He wore a hooded green camouflage sweatshirt, not likely to conceal him amidst the brick of downtown Kingsbridge. He revved his engine and rode slowly past Bella, his gaze never breaking free from hers. His unnecessary silver sunglasses didn't afford her the chance to see his eyes, but she was held paralyzed by his presence. She watched him until he turned the corner and was gone.

Unable to shake the creepiness of that encounter, Bella went home and finished her coffee on the couch with the Sunday paper. The stranger's face crossed her mind several times and then faded away, not part of her past or her present. But that Sunday morning wouldn't be the last time Bella saw Edward Cullen.


	2. Chapter One

_**A/N: **_**I honestly feel blessed to have received such an enthusiastic reaction to the prologue. Your reviews mean so much to me. I read them all but cannot always reply, however, if you ask me a question I will definitely answer you. Thanks to mariahajile.**

_**Chapter One**_

Her wrist ached from battling against the screw top bottle and she was finally defeated when it dislodged and her hand jerked, spilling vitamins all over the kitchen floor. She bent down and began to salvage them, cursing Monday morning and how late she already was.

After jiggling the key in the ignition and hearing no sound, she got out of her car and stood in heels and a skirt, staring down into an engine that she had no idea what to do with. Exasperated, she slammed the hood and spun around, leaning back onto her car. She fumbled in her purse for a cigarette, and just as she was about to light it, she saw the man from the day the tree fell.

He was without his motorcycle this time and now stood leaning against a lamppost at the end of the street. He was watching her. As soon as he saw she had caught him, he turned and walked directly into traffic. Horns honked and tires screeched, as he just barely made it across the busy street. She blinked her eyes and shook her head, about to call in sick to work and give up on the already awful day, when her neighbor, Riley, tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Not really. My car won't start."

"Well, aren't you lucky your neighbor is a mechanic?" he replied, smiling. "Let me see what I can do."

Riley was attractive and single and forever flirting with Bella, but for some reason, she just wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him. She just wasn't _drawn_ to him. As he began to inspect Bella's car, she looked over her shoulder, searching for the haunting stranger again, but he did not return.

* * *

Every day, Bella watched the sunset over a graveyard. The Gates of Heaven Cemetery was just across the street from her office building, and not having much of a social life, Bella always worked late. She stopped and took a break at dusk, taking pleasure in enjoying the peaceful beauty of watching the day end and the night begin. But on this day, Bella did something out of the ordinary. Instead of just watching from her window, she grabbed her coat and decided to take a walk. This was very unlike her. Not only did she rarely break routine, it was unheard of for her to so readily act on an impulse. The elevator opened into the lobby, and she walked a straight line toward the cemetery.

Although morbid, the cemetery was a truly beautiful place. It was true that the season of fall was fading into winter, but some leaves still remained. The sweet fragrance of their slow death wafted down, intoxicating Bella as she meandered aimlessly. The setting sun sent a shaft of horizontal orange light across the myriad graves. Bella felt joy surging through her as she walked, and she realized it was because she was alone. Only in her own company did Bella ever truly feel at ease. With twin older sisters and a younger brother, alone was something she never got to be as a child. Maybe that was why she was so insistent upon it now. She pulled her coat tighter in the cold, early evening air and was beginning to turn back when she saw him. A man was kneeling by a grave. Bella wasn't able to match his face to a name, but she recognized him. It was the stranger.

Her fingers tingled. It could have been from the cold or the eeriness of lingering in a graveyard as night fell, but more than likely, it was the stranger's chilling presence that had seeped into her skin. He was fussing with a bouquet, trying to line it up perfectly in front of the stone. Bella proceeded to walk, abandoning the concrete path for the earth where her heels would make no sound. She had successfully made it halfway past him when his head snapped up. She felt that feeling again, like she was bound by something and could not break free. He stared and almost raised his hand to wave from where he knelt. Bella forced herself to look away and walked faster, but out of the corner of her eye, she could see him rising to stand. She didn't look back and hurried quickly to her building. She had the sensation of being chased, but once she was inside the glass sanctuary of the lobby doors, she turned and found that no one was there.


	3. Chapter Two

**_A/N_****: If you know me, you know how important music is to me, especially when I write. I've created a playlist for this fic. This link is here on my profile page. Please give a listen, you may find some clues there ;) **

**Thanks to mariahajile.**

**_Chapter Two_**

It was Thanksgiving, and Bella had butter on her dress. She passed her mother the potatoes she had just mashed so that she could properly criticize Bella's efforts and season them to her own taste.

"You're not getting any younger, you know," her mother said in her not so subtle way. "When I was your age, I had twin two-year-old daughters…"

The baby conversation happened each time Bella visited her family. With her birthday having just passed, she didn't need a reminder about her slowly dying eggs. She was sick of it but she couldn't speak to her mother the way she wished, even if she felt a powerful impulse to do so.

"I'm aware of that, mom. I'm just… busy…"

"Well, while you're busy, everyone else is getting married, Bella. Are you trying to tell me that your _job_ is more important to you than having an actual life?"

Truthfully, it was. Marriage would most definitely make Bella decidedly _un_happy. Being tied to someone else, having to answer to them, make all of your decisions with them? It wasn't for her. At least, that's what she told herself when she was grocery shopping and watching happy families buy jumbo loaves of bread and ten dozen eggs while she carried home her measly fresh roll and one can of soup.

"Leave her alone, ma." Bella's little brother, Emmett, who was about a full foot taller than her, had been her biggest champion since he was born. "Bella makes the world a better place every day. She gives the homeless new hope. That means something. That is her life."

"Her work at Second Chance is great, Emmett. We've heard it a million times. It won't mean shit when she ends up an old maid…" Tanya chimed.

Bella's twin sisters, Jane and Tanya, on the other hand, had done nothing but torture her. While she was used to their need to belittle and control her the same way their mother did, Bella felt no need to show respect to those two witches.

"Fuck off, Tanya."

"Bella! Watch your mouth in this house!" her mother shouted.

"Whatever, mom. She asked for it," Emmett said.

Being home for exactly 45 minutes had felt like an eternity in the fires of hell. Another holiday in the Swan household was morphing into an absolute nightmare. As they sat down to eat, the radiator came on for the first time that fall. There was frost on the window panes, and the tiniest little flecks of snow were falling. The heat coming on filled the air with the scent of warm dust and steam, overriding the succulent fragrance of turkey and stuffing. Bella stared out the window at the shriveled brown leaves and the unrelenting traffic that never ceased on Hudson Parkway.

After listening to Jane and Tanya babble to their husbands about mundane married couple nonsense, she quickly finished her wine and poured another glass in an effort to anesthetize herself from the excruciating experience of coming home for the holidays.

Emmett observed her self-medication. "Why don't you slow down? You can't let them get to you."

"Who? You mean my entire family with the exception of you? It's all getting to be too much. I don't need this shit. I'm happy with my life. I'm fine with my choices." As she said it, she felt a little splinter in her heart, something that wasn't there before; a need to feel something else, something new.

After dinner, she was readying herself for the trip back to Kingsbridge.

"Bella, you barely ate. We're gonna play football with the Black's later."

Her little brother may have been in his twenties, but he whined like he was five. She kissed Emmett's cheek, foregoing dessert in a rush to get out of her childhood home.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I'll call you soon."

Her smug sisters barely waved and her mother was icy when she said goodbye, but when the front door slammed behind her, she felt the same freedom she felt the day she left for college. If it wasn't for her brother, she would never go back to that place. The cigarette she smoked on the drive home was the best she'd had in a long time.

Angela placed a large latte in front of Bella when she arrived at her apartment for HBO Sunday night. The two friends had a tradition of watching Dexter and Girls together. If they didn't watch at Bella's, then they were plopped on Angela's couch. Angela was the same age as Bella, but unlike her friend, she wasn't content to be alone.

"I had a date with a total asshole Friday. He took me to a shitty place with shitty food and then didn't say no when I offered to split the bill. Then he took me to some lame pool hall with these gaudy fluorescent lights, and then he had the nerve to ask me back to his place! I contemplated murder. Really, I did."

"That sucks. Where did you meet him?" Bella asked.

"Online. I don't know why I expected any better."

"People meet their husbands online… sometimes."

"Yeah. In commercials."

Bella usually felt genuinely bad for her friend when she complained about dating mishaps, but tonight, she just wanted to watch TV. Dexter opened with a graveyard scene, and all she could think about was the stranger. She wondered if the three times she had seen him could have been coincidence. She wondered if he would be there if she stood up and looked out the window into the night. She laughed at herself and threw a blanket over herself and Angela, not knowing that Edward was, in fact, right across the street gazing up at her apartment.

He stood in camouflage and sunglasses, a uniform that he was not yet ready to shed. They say half the fun in sinning is knowing that it's a sin, and perhaps it was that exact reason that Edward kept following the girl. He shouldn't have kept doing it, but he couldn't stop himself. She called out to him in her silence on the day the tree fell. It was a random occurrence, probably brought on by wind, but it brought her to him. Her face practically glowed in the crowd, and seeing her both thrilled and terrified him. She called out to something inside of him, and his answer was only to follow. Except for the evening at the graves. He did not follow her to that place. He was almost courageous enough to speak to her in the cool blue light of first nightfall but she left in a rush, afraid of him.

Afraid. Edward rolled that word around as he turned away from her window and revved the engine on his bike. She was afraid, and she damn well should be.


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: I know the chapters are short, but I'm trying to update often. Thank you for being so generous with your reviews. I have so much love for you all.**

**Thanks to mariahajile.**

_**Chapter Three**_

There were only two things that drove Riley crazy, and the perfume Bella wore on Fridays was one of them. The other was the fact that he knew what perfume she wore on Friday. It's fragrance was rose and orange and spice, and it made Friday night very hard on Riley. After more than a year of pining after her and countless rejections, he still held on to hope that one day she would say yes when he asked her out.

But that Friday morning was no different than the others. She always said no with a sweet little smile. She always seemed flattered and was always so kind. He watched her car disappear down the avenue and then headed back into their building. He was dressed for work, pretending to leave at the same time as Bella, but he didn't have to be at the garage for hours.

He heard footsteps running down the sidewalk and saw a man grab onto the lobby door handle before it closed and locked shut. Riley smiled, expecting to see a neighbor, but it was some guy in a camo sweatshirt and aviator sunglasses.

"Excuse me. Can I help you?" Riley asked the stranger.

The man seemed nervous. He ran his hand over his hair and glanced at the tenants mailboxes for a moment.

"Um. I was just looking for someone, but I don't think they live here."

Without another word, he sped out of the front door.

It was raining when Bella left work that night. She pulled her hood over her head and shrugged her shoulders up to drive out the chill as she opened her umbrella. It was a clear, little dome, and she loved it because it let her see the sky above and the raindrops falling down on her. When everyone else walked with heads bent low and their eyes down cast under somber black umbrellas, Bella walked with her chin up. She was looking forward to leftover spaghetti for dinner, a food which she firmly believed tasted better the next day.

Since it was, in fact, Friday night, she decided to make it a special occasion and stopped in Silva's Wine shop on Huron Street. The owner was from Madrid. He had wavy hair and a moustache that showed gray. His glasses were thick, and he was always slumped over a book with his brow crinkled in concentration when Bella visited the shop.

She always enjoyed talking briefly with Mr. Silva about her selection when he rang her up. Tonight, her choice was a simple cabernet, which the owner wrapped in paper before placing in a plastic bag.

"Stay warm out there," he urged her as she walked toward the exit. It was dark out, and she could see her reflection in the glass door. She could also see the reflection of someone stocking bottles of wine behind her. Her eyes grew wide when she saw it was the stranger. She gasped, and instead of running like her body told her to, she turned around and stared at him. This time his sunglasses were hanging from the zipper on his sweatshirt, the same one he always wore. He reached into the box at his feet, grabbed two more bottles of wine, and placed them on the shelf before him.

"We're closing up now. Can I get something else for you, miss?" Mr. Silva asked when he saw that Bella had turned around.

When he spoke, the stranger looked up and his eyes locked with Bella's. Now only feet away from her, his height and his handsomeness were two details she hadn't absorbed before. He stood as tall as the highest shelf in the shop, his body muscular lean. His face was rugged but possessed a softness that came through in his shining green eyes. Every time she had seen him, she felt afraid, but this time, she didn't. Perhaps it was because she was so close to him. Maybe it was because he was smiling at her. She was both panicked and fascinated by the way her body and mind were reacting to this man. Her skin was on fire. Her mouth was dry. Overwhelmed, she fled. She didn't answer Mr. Silva's question but turned on her heel and hurried out of the shop. Bella only lived two blocks away, and the walk home had never felt longer. The rain had changed to snow, and it shimmered in the air before the streetlights. She half expected to feel a tap on her shoulder as she walked, but when she turned onto Cobalt Avenue, she found the powdery, white pavement behind her held only one set of footprints. It was vacant, and she was disappointed.

When Bella got home, she locked her door and forced herself to calm down. She couldn't make sense of what was happening. He was everywhere she went. Her greatest comfort in life was the certainty that she was alone. She chose to be. She guarded her solitude with ferocity, and though she was now safe in her little cocoon of loneliness, she was disturbed to find she couldn't get the stranger out of her head. Her refuge had been infiltrated. Her home was now haunted by the ghost of someone she had never even met. She went to bed without eating, and her dreams were only of him.


	5. Chapter Four

_**A/N: I'm adding some songs to the playlist, so give a listen! Also, there is now a visual for this story which the incomparable Rose Arcadia created for me. A million thanks to her and the lovely mariahajile. Thanks for reading. I have loved the reviews. Getting back to some now...**_

**Chapter Four**

It was always the same dream. The thunder of his bike amplified his anticipation as he rode up over the hill. Everything he had wished for in the past year was about to come true. _Nothing_ could have ruined that day for him. Except something did. He skidded to a stop at the top of the hill, and instead of joy, he was met with chaos. He knelt on wet pavement and wailed. He sank into darkness, never to resurface…

...Edward awoke on the lumpy couch in the dank basement and took deep breaths of mold and old cardboard. He was crying. He was crying again. He rose slowly, letting the dream fade away, and sat for a moment before slipping on his shoes. He thought of the girl. The only thing that could diminish the ache was the knowledge that she was real. He needed to find her. He needed to see her again. _Swan._ He knew her last name. Yesterday, he snuck into her lobby and glanced at the mailboxes before getting caught. _Swan. 4R._

Her voice rang through the shop as she laughed at something Silva said about her choice last night. He pretended like he wasn't happy she was there. He pretended he didn't hear her, and it was better that way. Although he couldn't stop himself from following her, he knew to keep his distance. But she kept appearing, as if they were in orbit. She was the sun and he a star who could not resist her pull. He belonged in her sky. At least that's how he felt. When she saw him and stood staring, he smiled. He smiled because she was the sun to him, even if he had never spoken to her. Even if she thought he was a creep. Even if that was true. Even if it was for the wrong reasons. He zipped up his sweatshirt and went upstairs. It was dawn. If he waited, he would see her.

Saturday morning meant sleeping late, running errands, and doing the laundry. Bella maneuvered down the four flights of stairs. Her hair was thrown up in a tousled bun, and her glasses were slipping down her nose. She would have corrected them, but the overflowing basket of laundry she carried impaired her ability to do so. Wearing the last clean t-shirt and yoga pants she owned beneath her down jacket, she struggled to carry the basket through the lobby door.

When she emerged onto the snowy street, she tried not to look like she was looking for him but she was. To both her comfort and her dismay, the stranger was nowhere in sight. She straightened her posture and walked to the laundromat, determined to banish any thoughts of him from her mind.

After placing both loads of washed clothes into the dryer, Bella stepped outside to smoke. She lit her cigarette and breathed deeply. The sun was shining. It was a beautiful day. The sky was a shade of blue you could only find in a painter's pallette, and wisps of clouds floated slowly by.

Edward stood on the corner of Cobalt and Huron next to the flat stump of the oak that fell. He leaned against his bike and was sipping coffee in the cold. He could see the girl. He had been waiting for her. Her black pants were tucked into her furry winter boots, and her hair was piled up in a mess on top of her head. She was wearing glasses and stood there, smoking and gazing up at the clouds. Edward sighed. She was beautiful. He watched her until she went back into the laundromat, then got on his bike and headed for the cemetery.

Bella placed her neatly folded clothes in her dresser and sat down at her desk to get some work done. She was presenting a grant proposal on Monday that would enable Second Chance to buy more vans for the outreach team, and that, in turn, would allow her team to reach even more of the New York homeless. With the weather getting colder and colder, now was a crucial time of year and Bella was committed to making this grant happen. After several hours of work, she leaned back in her chair, stretched her arms above her head, took off her glasses, and rubbed her eyes. You could hear a pin drop in her apartment, which was just the way she liked it. Her eyes blurred as she gazed at the computer screen, and the quiet she typically relished was driving her mad. She needed to get out. Impulsively, she grabbed her keys and jogged down the stairs of her building.

She ran into Riley on the second floor. He was carrying Chinese take-out.

"Hey, Bella. I was just about to eat dinner. You hungry? I have plenty..."

If it was company she wanted, then here was her answer.

"No. Thank you for the offer, though. I'm just on my way out to meet someone."

Once she said it, she knew what she was doing. She knew where she was going. She wanted to see the stranger. She turned onto Huron Street and headed straight for Silva's Wine Shop. She could see her breath as she walked and drove her hands into her coat pockets. The shop window glowed, warm with amber light, inviting her to approach. Bells jingled as she pushed open the door, her eyes wide and searching for him. But all she found was Mr. Silva devouring a novel.

"Hello, there. Back again? Entertaining tonight?"

"No," she whispered and then corrected herself. "No, I was- I'm- I was wondering if, um..."

She leaned over the counter at Mr. Silva's puzzled face and finally spit out the question that was plaguing her. "Who is that man you have working here?"

Mr. Silva's wrinkled face changed from confused to amused. "Oh, I see. He_ is_ handsome, isn't he?"

Bella blushed fire. "No. I mean, yes, he is... But that's not why I'm asking, I've just seen him around the neighborhood a lot, and I know that he's not local. So I was just wondering if he's a relative of yours or something."

Mr. Sliva considered Bella's question, leaned toward her, and then spoke deliberately. "He is not a relative of mine. He has been living here, and I offered him work."

"He's been living... in the shop? He_ lives_ here?"

"It's not my place to tell another man's story...but yes. I've given him a place to stay, because Edward is homeless."


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Very short chapter here, hope to update again soon! This story was rec'ed for TLS fic of The Week and if you are so inclined, go over and vote :) Thanks to Susan Q and Heather. Big thanks to mariahajile. xxx**

_**Chapter Five**_

"I found Edward sneaking in and out of the basement a few weeks ago, and I told him he was welcome to stay if he was willing to work. He's a very methodical man... Always wears the same thing and comes and goes at regular times, keeps everything clean and neat. He works hard and stays to himself, but he's very pleasant to be around," Mr. Silva said.

Bella had heard hundreds of sorrows in her time, but it never ceased to pull at her heart when she learned how someone became homeless. Inevitably, there was some deviation from the plan. Each person she worked with at Second Chance was on a path. They had plans for themselves. Then something happened, and everything went wrong. It was almost always something horrible. Bella wanted to know what had happened to Edward. She wanted to know how his life had become this way, but Mr. Silva would say no more.

"If you want to learn about Edward, then you should ask him yourself. He's a good soul, and he could use a friend. If you wait here, you will see him. He'll be back soon."

"Yeah, um, maybe I'll come back. I'm sorry I bothered you, Mr. Silva. If you don't mind, can you keep this between us?"

"Your secret is safe with me," he said.

Edward placed the flowers at each of the gravestones and sat before them on the freezing ground. He rocked back and forth a bit and thought about praying but abandoned the impulse. He knew there was no one there to answer him. He blew warm breath into his joined hands and sat there, rocking back and forth, until the sun went down.

Bella felt silly. She was on her sixth cigarette, pacing back and forth on the corner of Huron and Cobalt, right in the place where the tree used to be. The whole space felt naked without it. The sky looked bigger. The open air felt lonely. Amidst her smoking and pacing frenzy, Bella was glancing at the wine shop. She was waiting for Edward. She wanted to confront him and find out why he had been following her, but she also wanted to help him. She had been out in the cold for almost forty minutes and was beginning to feel crazy, but there was no way she could live with herself if she didn't try to help this man. She lit another cigarette and stopped pacing. She could have just given her card to Mr. Silva, but she didn't because she wanted to _see_ Edward again, and as she stood beside the tree stump, staring up through the clear night at the full moon, she finally admitted that to herself.

"You shouldn't smoke, you know."

Bella startled at the voice behind her and turned to see it was him.

Edward.

She choked on her inhale and began coughing incessantly. She dropped the freshly lit cigarette to the ground.

"You see what I mean?" Edward moved closer to her.

Bella nodded and caught her breath. His proximity frazzled her and she said the first thing that came into her mind. "Where's your motorcycle?" she asked.

Edward smiled. "How do you know I ride a motorcycle? What? Are you stalking me or something?"

Bella was disarmed by him. She laughed. He was making her laugh. They stood in the snow smiling at each other.

"You've been following me. I keep seeing you," she said.

His face fell when she said this. "I know," Edward answered. "I'm sorry."

Caught off guard by his apology, Bella stood there, looking up at his deep green eyes, at his cloudy puffs of breath in the frigid air. There was so much to say, and she couldn't say any of it.

"I have to go to work. I'm sure I'll see you again," he said. Abruptly, he shuffled his feet and walked past her.

Bella squeezed her hand into a fist to stop herself from reaching out to him.


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who voted for this story at TLS. New readers have joined us, welcome! Happy Birthday to RoseArcadia, and thanks to mariahajile.**

_**Chapter Six**_

A bullet shot from a fired gun has no choice but to hit its target. It's ejected violently, and the trip is brief yet exhilarating. Once it has arrived, it stays. Like a bullet, Edward had finally met his target, but unlike lifeless metal, he felt bad about it. The sound of her voice, her eyes gazing upon him, her laugh. It was all too much. It was all too familiar. Edward resolved to be stronger. If they grew any closer, if they became any more familiar, her destruction would be inevitable. Edward planned to make a point of avoiding her - for her sake. It would be difficult, but staying away from the girl wouldn't be the hardest thing Edward ever had to do.

"It's your favorite time of year," Angela said.

Her sarcasm was not lost on Bella. She hated Christmas. It was a yearly reminder of the day her life shattered. She was nine-years-old and had been getting dressed to go to her grandmother's house Christmas morning. She sat on her little twin sleigh bed pulling up her white cotton tights when she heard her mother scream.

_"Stop lying!"_

Bella froze. Her mother never raised her voice. She ran to her parents' bedroom door and listened as her mother screamed and cried.

_"How could you? Who is she?"_

_"Her name is Susan."_

Bella didn't understand. All she knew was no one opened presents. Her mother cried and cried and never came out of her room.

And her father left.

He left that day and never came back.

Jane and Tanya explained that their father didn't love their mother anymore. He loved another woman. Their mother had found gifts that she thought were intended for her. When she didn't receive them, she knew her husband was having an affair. He left to live with the other woman and never returned to see his children. He never sent any money to help the family that he abandoned. He never even sent a birthday card.

Bella's happy family disintegrated into a group of lost people who merely tolerated each other. Their mother's mental health suffered, and she neglected them. Her sisters were in middle school, and they stayed at friends' houses all the time. They avoided the turmoil when Bella could not. It was just her and Emmett most of the time. He was only five-years-old that Christmas. Bella spent the rest of her childhood as a surrogate mother to him, as a therapist to her own mother, and as a victim of her twin sisters' misplaced anger. That day shattered her family, and Bella never really recovered.

Christmas was a time when Bella remembered why she chose to live alone. She never let anyone in, because no one could hurt her that way. Her walls were there for a reason. Bella left her painful daydream and returned to watch Angela Christmas shop. It was mindless consumerism, and she was glad she didn't have to participate in it.

Bella hadn't seen the stranger, Edward, in over a week, and she was glad. She had given Mr. Silva her card. If Edward needed help, he could seek it at Second Chance. Absolved of any guilt, she kept her head down when she walked through her neighborhood. She felt vacant. In her heart. Something had softened for him, and she was devoted to hardening it back up.

On Christmas Eve, Bella was working. She wasn't the only one. Second Chance was packed with volunteers that night. They were serving Christmas dinner to the homeless that the Street Team had reached out to. Some wandered in, knowing they could get a hot meal and a cot. It was below zero out, and Bella was thankful to see so many faces in the cafeteria tonight. She walked through the room, chatting with men, women, and children. She cheered along with the others when "Santa" entered the room with a sack full of gifts. It was Riley in a red suit and white beard. Bella knew that he did this every year, because he was a good person but also because he wanted to be with her. He was attractive and kind. He had tried to be a friend to her. Bella felt guilty for being the way she was. She was an impenetrable shield. Riley didn't stand a chance.

In the back of her mind she could only think of one person who had even come close to breaking through her walls, and it wasn't someone she saw every day for years. It was someone she hardly knew. Bella glanced at the door each time it opened, hoping a secret hope to see Edward's face.

It was after midnight when the staff and volunteers had finished cleaning up the cafeteria. Bella grabbed her coat and watched as Riley dashed to open the front door for her.

"Heading home?" he asked.

"Yeah. Do you need a ride?"

"No. I drove over, but thanks," he said.

Bella felt his cold hand suddenly slip into hers. She stopped walking and turned to him. Her arm jerked to pull her hand away, but Riley didn't let go.

"I just wanted to say Merry Christmas, Bella," he said. His voice carried pain at her constant efforts to avoid him.

Still holding her hand, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. They walked on. Riley clung to Bella and though she was uncomfortable, she didn't try to shake him off. They approached her car, and beside it sat a motorcycle. Bella locked eyes with the driver.

It was Edward.

He stared at she and Riley for a moment, then kick-started his bike. He rode off quickly into the night, leaving only tire tracks in the snow.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Thanks to mariahajile for getting this one back super fast. I added a song to the playlist, check it out!**

_**Chapter Seven**_

The philosophy of determinism states that everything is happening exactly as it should. Bella was better off. Edward thought that she was with Riley. He would stay away from her now. She told herself to be happy about it, but she wasn't.

Bella had a ritual on Christmas Day. She called home and wished her family a merry Christmas, but this holiday was one she never went home for. It was too painful. She watched _It's A Wonderful Life_ in her pajamas and spent much of the day reading or sleeping. Emmett came over around four, and they drank hot chocolate and exchanged small gifts.

That was it.

After Emmett left, Bella crawled back into bed and lay looking out her frosty window. She had never noticed before, probably because she never looked, but if she craned her neck, she could just barely see Silva's Wine Shop. The lights were on.

Mr. Silva never stayed open on Christmas. It had to be Edward.

Bella struggled with her emotions. What would be so bad about getting to know this man? He thought she had a boyfriend now, so he wouldn't think to flirt with her. He had, in fact, never actually done that. Bella just secretly wished that he would. There was no harm in getting to know him. He was alone on Christmas, for goodness sake - and so was she.

She jumped out of bed. Breaking with her Chritsmas ritual, she stood in the bathroom brushing her hair. She put it up, took it down, and finally just put it in a ponytail. She was annoyed that she cared so much about how she looked and that she felt so jittery about what she was about to do. She walked down the stairs quietly so Riley wouldn't hear her. He was probably with his family anyway. The building was as still as the forest on a winter night.

When she turned onto Huron, her heart began to pound wildly. When she arrived at the shop, her own heartbeat was all she could hear. Bravely, she pushed the door, but it wouldn't budge. The lights were on, but it was locked. A "Closed" sign hung right in her eye-line.

Beyond it, she saw Edward.

He was sitting where Mr. Siva usually sat, behind the counter with a book in hand. And he was looking right at her. Smiling, he stood and walked - very slowly - to the door. He stood for a moment on the other side of the glass, staring at Bella with his hand on the deadbolt. It felt like an eternity had passed until he turned it. He stepped back, folded his muscular arms across his broad chest and waited. He was waiting for Bella to enter willingly. He wanted to see her make the first move.

Bella could sense this, and she was deliberate when she put out both hands and removed the barrier between them. When she was on her way over, she thought of a hundred things to say, but something about this man just turned her mind to mush every time she was near him. She stood there silent and felt like a fool.

"I'm glad you're here." Edward finally broke the silence with his sweet words.

They made Bella's heart feel like it was swollen, and she had to press her lips together to stop from tearing up at his honesty.

"I saw you last night," she said.

"Yeah. Silva gave me your card."

"You could have come in. We had food, cots… company."

Edward looked confused. "Wait. Why did you give your card to Silva?" he asked.

"Um, because he told me that you didn't have a place to live and…"

"I _do_ have a place to stay. I live _here_. I thought you gave it to him because you wanted to see me again. I'm sorry. That was my silly mistake. Where's your boyfriend tonight?" he said, obviously upset.

"Riley's not my boyfriend. He's my neighbor. I guess he likes me, but it's not like that for me."

Edward smiled at this.

"I'm sorry for the confusion. I just… My job is to help homeless people and…"

"Listen, I live this way, because I want to. I work odd jobs. I have money… I just… I like to move around. I crash wherever. Silva offered me work when he found me squatting in the basement. He could have easily called the cops, and he didn't. He's a cool guy, so I stuck around."

Bella digested this new information. Her picture of him and his actual story were clearly very different.

"What's your name?" Edward asked. "You've never told me your name."

"It's Bella." She reached her hand out automatically at the introduction, and when Edward took it, she had the oddest sensation of clarity, like this moment was inevitable and destined to happen. Bella looked him over again and noticed he was wearing the camouflage sweatshirt.

"You're always wearing that," she lamely observed as she let go of his hand.

It wasn't a question, but Edward treated it like one. Bella watched him swallow hard before he answered. It was odd that he was so emotional about a sweatshirt.

"Yeah… I was a Marine…" he began and then stopped. He changed the subject. "Listen, do you want to go get some coffee or something sometime?"

Bella smiled. "Yes. Are you free tomorrow?"

"I am," he answered.

"Okay, then…"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."

He opened the door to the shop, and Bella thought he was trying to get rid of her until he followed her onto the sidewalk.

"What are you doing?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I'm walking you home."


	9. Chapter Eight

_**A/N: Disclaimer: We're going to get into some serious emotional content in the next several chapters which may disturb some sensitive readers. Everyone has great theories about our mysterious leading man, his story will come to light soon. Thanks to mariahajile.**_

_**Chapter Eight**_

Their bodies were side by side as Edward walked Bella home, and they were both acutely aware of one another's presence. Bella swore she felt heat coming off of him. It felt warm to be beside him. She imagined the air between them glowing, hazy, like embers in a fire. Their arms swung at their sides, their fingers close enough to touch, but neither Bella nor Edward were bold enough to reach out.

"You really didn't need to walk me home. I mean, I don't live far from the shop."

"Bella, if you didn't let me walk you, I would have followed you anyway."

He stopped at the door to her building and turned to her.

Bella smiled. "It should freak me out that you know I live here when I've never told you."

"Does it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'll answer you if you tell me why you started following me."

Edward struggled with this, but he knew he couldn't tell her the truth and he didn't want to lie.

He reached out to her and took her hand. He held her thin fingers in his palm. Bella was paralyzed, waiting to see what he would do. They stood like that for a moment-Edward gazing at her hand deep in thought, and Bella looking up at Edward in anticipation.

Then he let her go.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said and left her standing at her door.

On her third cigarette, Bella sat on her windowsill. Even though it was freezing outside, she had it open a crack so the smoke could get out. She was looking for him. She was waiting.

He told her 3:00, and it was 3:30. It was a small thing. People ran late. She stamped out her cigarette and smoothed her hands over her outfit. It bothered her that this was bothering her. He was late, and she was bothered, and he was making her feel that way.

He was making her feel.

When she heard a motorcycle approach, her stomach tingled, like little rivers of ice water were running through it.

When he came into view, she smiled brightly and ran down the stairs, not caring if Riley heard her this time.

When she walked out onto the street, Edward was standing beside his motorcycle, a canvas army green jacket over his usual sweatshirt. It was very cold, but the sun was shining and Edward wore his sunglasses. As Bella walked toward him, she could see her face reflected in his eyes.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"You're late…" she said and then regretted it when she saw the cemetery mud on his boots. "…But it's fine."

He let out a sigh and stepped toward her. He took both of her hands in his. Bella's heart pounded when he touched her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

Bella didn't reply, because she didn't want him to let go.

"You look pretty. You _are_ pretty," he said.

"Th-thanks," she stammered.

He was so disarming and odd and mysterious, and Bella was done trying to stop herself from liking him. She liked him... very much.

He let go, and she felt empty when her hands were no longer in his. He put his in his jean pockets as they walked together down Cobalt.

"There's this cool little place called_ Death Before Decaf_ on Union and Monroe. Have you ever been there?" he asked.

"I've been by there, but I've never stopped in. Is it good?"

"Yeah. I'm always looking for a cup of coffee that will make my teeth rattle. It's hard to find, but this place has it down."

They turned onto Monroe, and Bella saw the fluorescent red sign the bore the shop's name. Edward grabbed the door for her and smiled as she moved to enter the shop.

Before she made it inside, her body jolted in response to a screech and a loud bang. It almost sounded like a gunshot or a car backfiring. She looked around to see what it was and heard some screams and the sound of an ambulance siren.

"There must have been a car accident nearby," Bella said and turned to Edward.

Edward wasn't looking at her. He was bent over with his hands on his knees.

"Are you all right?" she asked and stooped down to look at him. His face was red.

She couldn't see his eyes, so she took off his sunglasses. "Edward?"

His expression broke her heart. He looked absolutely terrified. Panicked. And he wasn't breathing.


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Many thanks for your reviews and many apologies for how long this chapter took! Next chapter will post faster. Promise. Thanks to mariahajile.**

_**Chapter Nine**_

There was no stopping it once it started.

Edward was transported to the desert. He was running. His legs burned hot fire, and his chest pulsated with adrenaline. Those beside him were falling and never getting up again. Their bodies were rocked by gunfire and explosives. Parts of them severed. Blood. The smell of it; the never ending flow.

Horror.

Edward had seen it all.

When he was living it, it had no effect. It couldn't. He didn't let it sink into his mind. His heart was locked. A piece of coal in his chest. No emotion.

Survive.

That was all Vivian had asked of him

_Survive._

He hadn't experienced an attack in a few months. He kept moving, so it wouldn't. No ties to anyone or anything. No investments. No emotions.

He had mastered it. He had made some small attempt at peace with his tragedies. There was nothing he could do. He was alive, and they weren't.

But when the anniversary came, he travelled back to Kingsbridge and found that he couldn't leave. There were many reasons for this.

The graves.

Visiting them had become a ritual, and he felt like he couldn't stop. He had spent so much time neglecting them that now his soul felt bound, obligated to be there, every single day. Making up for the time he had missed.

And then there was Bella.

The darkest day of his life was the day he returned from Afghanistan. The second darkest day had been the day the tree fell.

The only light on that day had been her face. He thought she was an angel. He thought he recognized her, but when he got closer, he realized she only held shadows of Vivian.

It wasn't her.

Still, he couldn't stay away from her. He followed Bella everyday, haunted by her face, but her beauty was no longer the sole reason he was drawn to her. After speaking to her only a few brief times, he knew what was happening to him.

He wanted her.

He never thought he could want anyone ever again.

Now, here he was on an attempted date with her, and he was smothering, choking. The sound of the gunshot was choking him. He couldn't breathe.

He was dying. He would die right here in front of this coffee shop like a coward. There were so many other days he could have died. Days that would have made him a hero and days that no one would have blamed him for it.

No one would miss him.

He could have died a million ways, but instead, he was going to die on this sidewalk in front of a coffee shop beside a beautiful girl who had no idea how fucked up he was.

"Edward!"

She was shouting. She was sacred, and that made him even more helpless. There was nothing he could do to stop what was happening. He had no control. He surrendered to the dark.

When he awoke, he was in a bed. He felt stiff and heard beeping. The smell of antiseptic and the sound of feet shuffling on linoleum let him know where he was before he even opened his eyes.

"Edward?"

Bella sat beside his hospital bed. His hand was warm because she held it, and when he looked at her, he felt like crying.

She was completely terrified.

"I'm okay. I'm okay," he said.

He didn't mean it.

"What happened to you? The doctor said it was a 'vasovagal syncope'. I didn't know if I should call anyone. I called the shop and told Mr. Silva."

"What did he say?"

"He said he was glad I was there with you — and he said you should tell me. What should you tell me? What did he mean?"

Edward sat up and sighed. He looked down at her hand in his, and for the first time in a long time, he felt safe. He looked in her eyes, and in his heart, he knew he wanted to tell her so many things. But he would start with the easy part.

"Bella, I told you that I was a Marine. I fought in Afghanistan. I left the Corps with honorable discharge, because I was no longer able to fill my duties as a soldier..."

He stopped speaking, and Bella squeezed his hand. Edward fought back the lump that rose in his throat every time he thought of that day.

"Edward… What happened to you?"

He leaned closer to her. "It was just a few days before my leave. My platoon was sent on a mission in heavy ground combat and — we were attacked and — and…" He struggled to finish his sentence. "I was the only member of my platoon that survived."


	11. Chapter Ten

_**Chapter Ten**_

Bella lit a cigarette and rolled down her car window. It was Sunday night, and she was driving to Angela's. Flurries fell and whizzed around her car as she raced along the road. Her speedometer rose beyond the limit posted on signs beside the road, but she was too distracted by her own thoughts to realize it — or care.

Edward needed her. He was wounded. He needed someone in his life, someone who would be there for him, someone who could love him. He needed someone, but Bella wasn't ready to be needed.

After he was discharged from the hospital, she had driven him home. The ride was silent. She knew he wanted to stay with her. She could feel it. She had an extra bedroom, she had room, but she couldn't invite him into her home. If she did that, she would be inviting him into her heart. The door would be wide open. And then he would do something shitty or she would do something shitty, and hearts would rip apart and keys would be returned and tears would flow.

She dropped him off two days ago at Silva's with the engine running. She didn't even put it in park. Confused, Edward leaned down and looked at her as he held the car door open.

"Silva's having a New Year's Eve party here Monday night. You should come."

"Okay. Maybe."

He had bared his soul to her, and she had said _maybe_ and left him in the snow.

Why couldn't she just let him in? It was all too much too fast. She could feel herself falling for him, and she needed to step back. So, instead of opening herself to this wounded man, she was on her way to Angela's, hoping her friend could talk her out of falling in love.

"This is all pretty heavy, Bella," Angela said after Bella had shared Edward's story with her. "Honestly, I can't believe you trust a guy who was basically stalking you."

"I can't believe it, either, but I know that he's genuine. I don't know what it is about him, but I feel like I've always known him, even though we've just met. It's disarming."

"He's clearly in a lot of pain."

"I know. I feel like I want to help him… or try to be his friend…"

"But…"

"But I don't want to let him in. The more people you have in your life, the more chance there is for them to leave. I can't _feel_ things and have people disappear, Angela. I just can't do it. I just can't."

Angela nodded. She understood Bella's baggage better than anyone. "Maybe one day, you won't feel so afraid, Bella. I just hope that when that day comes, Edward will still be there."

Bella sighed. "I don't even know if he's the right guy for me, anyway."

Angela grabbed her shoulders and enunciated every word, "You'll never know that, because you won't give him a chance."

That night, Bella dreamed about the day the tree fell. She was running and running to get to the source of the noise, but her street seemed never-ending and she couldn't get there. She heard Edward's motorcycle coming toward her, and she saw his sunglasses flashing. He was laughing. He was driving right at her and laughing maniacally—

Bella woke just before he crashed into her.

Unsettled by the dream, she spent the day telling herself she would not be going to Silva's party that night. There was no way she was going to get in any deeper with a stalker she barely knew. His whole story could be lies. He could be a murderer. A menace. A criminal.

Bella knew none of the nonsense she was filling her head with was true. She could _feel_ Edward's truth. She could see it in his eyes. He was so transparent. Maybe that's why he always wore his sunglasses. Maybe he was trying to hide his heart from the world.

Her street was empty, and she shivered as she walked in a black dress and heels to the wine shop, but suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. She didn't need to turn around. She knew who would be there. He was wearing a black wool coat over his suit. He smelled like bourbon, and he was carrying a bundle of unlit sparklers in his hand.

It was Riley.

**A/N: Edward's not gonna like that one bit...**

**I'm sorry this took so long to post, I've been dealing with some deadlines. As some of you know, I'm publishing Righteous and Wicked and there's a great deal of work involved. It will be released next May. If you're interested you can follow my author account on Twitter or Facebook to stay updated.**

**Thank you for being kind and patient and genuinely the absolute sweetest people on earth. Thanks to mariahajile for betaing as always.**


	12. Chapter Eleven

_**A/N: **__**Thanks for your reviews! Will be replying shortly! Much love to mariahajile!**_

_**Chapter Eleven**_

Bella arrived at Silva's wine shop accompanied by a very tipsy Riley. They could hear the festivities going on inside through the closed door. The party was invite only so they rang the bell to get someone's attention, and of course, it was Edward who saw them standing there. He smiled when he saw Bella, but his face fell when he saw Riley beside her.

He unlocked the door and stepped back. Bella moved forward, her eyes locked with his. His lips twitched up again as she pushed through the door, but she noticed his fists clench when Riley put his hand on her back and held the door open for her. She wanted to speak, but Edward turned and walked away before she got the chance to say hello or to explain.

The shop was bursting with people all dressed in sequins and sparkles. Every one of them happy and drunk.

"Can I get you a drink?" Riley asked, his breath hot on her neck.

"No, I'm good."

He slid his hand to her hip. "Then how about you dance with me?"

Before she answered him, he stepped in front of her, placed his other hand on her body. and pressed his hips into her. He began to sway with the music. Bella looked up at him trying to find a tactful way to tell him she wasn't here as his date, but he kissed her before she could begin to speak.

Bella immediately put her hands on his chest to push him away, but his kiss was passionate, his lips hungry and forceful against hers. She tried harder to resist him, and Riley mistook her movements for desire. He slid his hands down to her ass, pulling her body flush with his, pressing his erection into her.

Bella threw her head back, tearing her lips from his. "Stop!" she shouted in his face.

He look confused, and then his expression changed to anger as he was lifted off the ground by someone grabbing the back of his suit jacket. Bella stepped to the side as Edward shoved Riley past her toward the door.

He exited the shop with him, and they began to argue in the snow. Bella watched as Edward calmly pointed for Riley to walk away. Riley got in Edward's face, drunk and screaming, but Edward didn't raise his hands. He simply stood with his arms folded across his chest, his eyes boring into Riley, until Riley gave up and walked away. Edward looked back through the window, and his eyes met Bella's.

She mouthed the words "Thank you", and Edward nodded in reply. He didn't come back into the shop but stood there, staring into the distance.

Bella felt torn. She wanted to go and talk to him, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to make things more complicated. When Mr. Silva approached and asked her if she'd like a glass of champagne, she said "yes" and walked with him toward the bar at the back of the shop. She didn't see Edward again, and it wasn't because she wasn't looking. Silva noticed this.

"Getting to know someone can be exciting and scary at the same time," he said.

Bella smiled and looked at her feet. The tension between her and Edward was so obvious, and the chivalrous display earlier most certainly confirmed any doubt that something was going on between her and Edward.

"It's more about terror than excitement for me," she whispered to him.

"I don't know if you realize this, but Edward feels exactly the same."

It hadn't occurred to Bella that Edward was scared as well. He seemed so at ease around her.

"If you speak with him, you may learn a great deal," he said.

Bella nodded. "Do you know where he is?"

"Downstairs in his room," he answered and nodded to the basement door.

Bella summoned up all the bravery she could muster. She didn't know why this had to be so hard. She hated this guarded part of herself. But when Riley kissed her, one thing became very clear: there was only one person that Bella wanted to kiss, and it was Edward.

She opened the door and was greeted by warm light glowing at the foot of the stairs. She stepped down into Edward's lair. It was unexpectedly cozy. There were boxes stacked against one wall, but the other was covered entirely by a large, tattered American flag. There was a small night table and a coffee table with a tiny black and white TV. Edward sat before it, though it wasn't on. The sleeper sofa bent beneath his weight. He watched her descend to the foot of the stairs and then greeted her.

"Hi."

Bella looked at him, sitting there in silence, clothed in his uniform of denim and camouflage. Her heart was swollen with something, and she swallowed hard, trying to ignore it, not wanting to admit to herself what it was.

"Hi," she replied.

Edward stood, self-conscious about having Bella in the basement, even though he hoped she would come down. The fact that she stood here told him she cared more than she wanted to admit.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"I'm fine," he answered, quickly.

"I wanted to apologize to you, Edward."

"There's no need for it, Bella."

"No. You're wrong. There is."

He waited.

"I'm sorry I left you on the curb after the hospital. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

He shook his head. "I forgive you."

He made it so easy. It was so easy to… love him.

"Edward, I don't know what to say to you."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, I don't know how to explain myself so that it will make sense."

"Bella, nothing about my life makes any sense. I'm used to it."

"But I still have things I want to say."

"So do I. I have a lot of things I want to say to you. So many things."

He walked toward her then, stopping short when he couldn't come any closer or they would be touching. He reached out to her and tenderly cradled her cheek in his palm. She let him. She let it happen. She let herself rest on his warm skin. She let her eyes close.

"I want to be with you, Bella. I don't care what I am to you, but I want to be with you," he whispered, and the coldest parts of Bella's heart began to melt.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She stepped forward, and Edward took her into an embrace. She breathed him in, her head resting on his shoulder. His strong arms felt welcome on her lonely bones. She liked the way it felt to be this close to him.

Beyond his shoulder, something caught her eye. There was a framed photo on Edward's night table. It was a woman. For a moment, Bella thought it was a photo of her; that's' how similar this person looked to Bella. The only way she could tell it was not her was that the woman was surrounded by three small children.

"Who is that?" Bella asked. "Who is that woman in the picture?"

Edward stiffened at her question, and he broke free from the embrace in order to cast his gaze on the photo Bella spoke of.

Next to the photo was Edward's alarm clock. The time read 11:51. He took Bella's hand and started up the stairs. "Lets' go," he said. "It's almost midnight."

They emerged on the main floor and sank into the crowded room of revelers. Silva approached them, smiling, and placed noisemakers in their mouths and champagne in their hands. The countdown soon began.

"Ten, nine, eight…"

Edward squeezed Bella's hand.

"Seven, six, five…"

Bella snuggled closer to Edward.

"Four, three, two…"

Edward looked down at her, and she gazed up at him

"One. Happy new year!"

The crowd shouted, but Bella and Edward were silent as their lips met. They each felt an unexpected peace. Their lips moved sensually, molding to each other in a perfect fit. Edward held her face, and she embraced his neck. They pulled each other closer, kissing deeply, the world falling away from them. The room rejoiced around them at a fresh start, and as their kiss continued, they both felt that on this night, something more than just a new year had begun.


	13. Chapter Twelve

_**A/N: New music is being added to the playlist, check it out! Some fabulous reader nominated WTTF for fic of the week at the lemonade stand. It's awesome to feel so loved! If you'd like to vote for this story it's tehlemonadestand dot net. Thanks for the reviews and thanks to mariahajile for getting this one done so fast. Short chapter-next one will have more meat to it.**_

_**Chapter Twelve**_

Enclosed in Edward's arms, Bella listened to the song that was playing as they danced. It was Billie Holiday singing sweetly about sailboats in the moonlight. Bella leaned her head against Edward's chest, unaware of the other couples sharing their own quiet moments around them. She was startled by how at ease she felt, but she couldn't stop thinking about the picture.

Who was the woman with dark hair who held so much resemblance to her? Where was she now?

Edward was damaged. Was that the reason the woman had fled? The song ended, and Bella lifted her head to see a smiling Edward gazing down at her.

"I want to take you somewhere," he said.

"Right now?"

"Yes. Will you come with me?"

"Sure."

"You'll have to change before we go."

"Why?"

"I don't think wearing a dress on a motorcycle in January is a good idea."

Anxiety arose inside of Bella. "I've never been on a motorcycle."

Edward pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "I'll keep you safe. You don't have to worry about anything with me. I promise."

Edward left her alone and went downstairs to get ready. Bella had one more glass of champagne while she waited for him, attempting to numb her nerves.

She saw several women looking toward the back of the bar, and she followed their gaze to see what was so interesting. She couldn't fight her smile when she saw it was Edward. His motorcycle boots clinked as he walked, and his leather bomber jacket fit him like a second skin. When he took her hand and led her out the door, she felt so special. She was both pleased and saddened to admit to herself that Edward may have been the first man to ever make her feel that way.

He followed her up the stairs to her apartment, and her hands trembled as she turned the key.

Edward could sense her reservations. "Do you want me to wait out here?" he asked.

She knew her nerves were obvious, and she was glad he was considerate enough to ask. Truly, she was afraid to let him in. It would make her feel completely exposed to let Edward into her life that way. She wasn't ready.

"If you wouldn't mind," she answered.

His face fell a little bit, but he nodded.

Bella changed quickly and returned to find Edward standing in the doorway, right where she left him. He never crossed the threshold.

He stood there, staring at her. She was reminded of the first time she saw him on the day the tree fell. He was staring at her, and he was smiling. He looked at her that day like he knew her. Bella though of the picture again - the picture in Edward's room of a woman who looked just like her.

"Who is the woman in the picture you have?"

His eyes widened, but his face didn't change. He pursed his lips and took a deep breath. "Bella, there are things I can talk about with you, and there are some things that I just can't, yet. If we're going to be together, then you have to be understanding about it."

Bella nodded. She wanted to know who the woman was, but at the same time, she didn't. Whomever it was held a piece of Edward. She knew that much. She moved toward the doorway, but Edward wouldn't let her pass. He put his hands on her hips, and she looked up at him. She felt his thumbs press into her hipbones and a surge of emotion coursed through her body when he touched her. It was unfamiliar. It was lust. He tilted his head to the side and leaned into her, pressing his body flush with hers. He kissed her. He kissed her slowly, and Bella felt him harden as their tongues touched. She ran her hand over his stubble-ridden cheek and into his hair. She heard him sigh and dug her hand into his hair, pulling at it with her fist. He responded by slipping his palms to her backside and caressing her. She was bewitched by his touch and moaned as he nibbled at her lips. He guided her from the doorway and lifted her with ease, pressing her back against the wall as he fit himself between her legs. She linked her ankles around his waist, and he took her face in his hands as their lips met with sensual force. It was heavenly and terrifying and perfect. He broke free from her lips and kissed her neck. As he delighted in her soft skin, he felt his passion for her thundering inside of him. He felt her panting breath against his hair and lifted his head to look into her eyes. There he saw her longing, but he also saw trepidation, and this quieted his frenzy.

"What is it?" he asked.

Her eyes watered, and he began to worry.

"It's just— I've just never felt like this," she admitted.

He smiled and set her down. "Bella, you're beautiful. You're kind, and you're loving. It's a privilege for me to be this close to you. I want you to know that."

She placed her hands on his chest and looked down, embarrassed but thankful to hear him say those words.

"I guess we should head out," she said, trying to move on from the sweetly awkward moment.

Edward didn't move. He bent down and kissed her lips. She could hear a smile in his voice as he whispered in her ear, "Where were we going again?"


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: I'm sorry to report that the site I used for playlists had changed their format. BOOOOOOO. I'll post the list of songs on my profile for those interested. Thanks to mariahajile for giving this one a double tap. xoxo**

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

She huddled herself into Edward's back to avoid the freezing wind as they sped along the road. He was her shield, but she was cold in spite of the helmet. It was thrilling and scary to watch the darkened world whizzing past her. Her teeth rattled from the thunderous motorcycle engine, and she held him even tighter when they approached the cold, black river.

She wondered where he was taking her until the bike sputtered to a stop right in the middle of the Hudson Bridge. It was around 5AM and they were completely alone. Edward helped her down.

"What are we doing here?" she asked.

He pointed out toward the grayish-orange light peeking up over the mountains. "We're going to watch the first sunrise of the New Year together."

He smiled after he said the words and slipped his fingers through hers. Bella felt her throat swell. She was overcome, once again, by the sweet honesty of this man. It was all so new and overwhelming. She turned to look at his profile. He was staring out at the horizon, his handsome face filled with peace and hope. She marveled at him. He had been through so much tragedy — that which she knew of and that which he still chose not to share — and yet he held this peace. It was contagious. Bella took a breath and relaxed, then shifted her gaze to the horizon, as well.

There was a sherbet-hued line at the base of the now midnight blue sky, and it was growing lighter each moment. Maybe she would grow lighter, too… Maybe Edward would be the person to drag her out from under the clouds she carried in her heart. She was tired of being lonely.

"Do you think everyone has a sad story?" she asked him.

He was pensive. "Yes. I do." He turned toward her and leaned against the steel rail. "I'd like to hear yours, when you're ready to tell me, Bella."

Keeping herself away from people and guarding her heart was all she knew. How could she share herself with him? She wasn't good enough for him. He was too kind. He may be broken, but he didn't let it ruin his view of the world. Bella had.

"My childhood was...not good, Edward. I know a lot of people can say that…"

He interrupted. "Don't disqualify yourself from feeling."

She nodded at his encouragement. "My father left us when I was young. I have two sisters and a brother. My sisters are older, and my brother is the youngest. My mom couldn't handle it and my sisters were never around. It was just me and Emmett in that house with my ill-equipped mother. She wasn't mentally healthy for a very long time. There were times when all the food was expired and there was no soap in the bathroom. When I would tell my mom we needed groceries, she would dig some freezer-burned atrocity out and hand us dish soap to bathe with. I did all I could to shield my brother, but it was… It was awful…" She broke into tears.

Edward put his arms around her and pulled her into him. She was carrying so much pain. This was something he knew, because he carried pain, too. His torture had been sudden, but hers had been long. He had been to war, but she had fought a battle.

He leaned down and kissed her tear-stained lips with a delicate touch, and she melted against him. She was surrendering herself to him. It was slow, but it was happening and he was grateful. He had no doubt that he could help her. He could shoulder some of her burden and maybe she could do the same for him.

He wanted to meet her halfway. He wanted to tell her about Vivian, and he wanted to tell her why he had started following her on the day the tree fell. Bella deserved to know. He broke away from her lips and smiled at her sorrow-filled face. It was glowing in the first light of day. He jerked his head toward the horizon.

"Look," he said. The golden sun had finally risen over the mountains and it was free to cast warm light over the frozen Northeast. It was ready to begin the New Year, and so was Edward. He was ready to tell share his deepest pain with Bella. He cared for her that much.

"I was married," he said.

She startled. He could feel her stiffen and try to pull away from his embrace. He expected this. She broke free from him and shook her head in disbelief. Out of habit, she dug in her pocket for the only thing that could relieve her stress and pulled out her pack of cigarettes, struggling to light one with shaking hands. He grabbed them from her and tossed them into the river. She stared at him, confused and enraged at his blasphemous action.

"Bella, my wife — my family — they died in a fire. They burned to death the day I returned from Afghanistan."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: Happy Labor Day! Thanks for the lovely reviews and thanks to mariahajile for beta'ing! **

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

In her head, it made sense to be afraid of him. He wasn't just a soldier suffering from survivor's guilt. He was a man who had lost _everything_.

Everything.

She should run away from him. He will most likely break her heart. Her head might have said that, but she could never do it. He had a hold on her. He made her feel.

"Let's go somewhere," she said.

He nodded, and they walked back to his bike. She wrapped her hands around his waist again, and this time, she held onto him tighter than she ever thought she could.

They ended up at a little diner. Some New Year's revelers with smudged eyeliner and rumpled clothes were avoiding submission to their inevitable hangovers by drinking black coffee and replaying last night's happy events.

Bella and Edward hadn't slept, but they weren't tired. Maybe Edward was, as he recounted the events of that horrible day, but Bella was not. She was riveted and dumbfounded by the pain this beautiful man had endured.

"I still have nightmares about it. I was on my bike, speeding up the hill to our home. Vivian and I had three children. The baby was born while I was serving in the Corps. I never… I never got to meet her. When I got to the top of the hill, I could see the smoke. I skidded to a stop, and then I ran. I ran past the firemen. I almost made it into the burning building, but that's when I saw the stretchers. They were… There was smoke seeping through the wool blankets. My wife, my children… They all burned. They were gone. Everything… everything was gone."

He cleared his throat and looked away. Bella could see him fighting to remain composed. She was fighting to do the same.

"It was a cigarette that started the fire. Vivian smoked. The forensic investigation showed the fire originated in an ashtray beside our bed. My boys, my wife, and a daughter I never met… They all died that day."

Bella clapped her hand over her mouth and began to cry. It was a horror story. Edward leaned back and looked out the window, his own eyes shining with the tears he held back.

"After the funerals, I left Kingsbridge. I worked as a landscaper for a while, but I got tired of peeking through windows at rich people's trophies. All it did was make me think of what I'd lost. When I had enough money, I travelled on my bike. I was a nomad for four years. I read Rumi. I lived in a tent in Yosemite. I made peace with it."

"Why did you come back?"

"It was around Halloween when they died. It's been five years now. I haven't visited their graves since the burial. This year I came back, and I've been trying to visit as often as I can, to make up for the time I was gone."

She thought of him kneeling in the cemetery, and it made her heart ache.

"What was your wife like?"

He smiled and looked down at his entwined hands. "She was lovely. You know that feeling when you're doing something stupid with someone you love, like eating Chinese food or watching a movie in your pajamas, but it feels amazing just because you're together? That was what Vivian was like."

Bella frowned. She had no idea what that was like, because she had never been in love. She thought of the woman Edward was describing. The woman in the picture. The woman who looked so much like her…

Her hair stood on end when she realized the truth: Edward was only here, because he was chasing a ghost. He wasn't really interested in her. He was broken and grieving and looking to heal his wounds with a carbon copy of his dead wife.

Edward could read Bella better than she realized. "I'm not here with you because of her," he said. "Bella, the day the tree fell? The first time I saw you? I was planning to take my own life."

Edward read the shock in Bella's expression.

"Not in that moment. I had parked beside that tree, and I looked up at the branches. All I could see was myself hanging from a noose. I hit a point where in spite of my efforts to move on, I couldn't shake the idea that the world might be better off if I wasn't in it. No one would have missed me anyway..."

Bella reached across the table and took his hand. She squeezed.

"Then the craziest thing happened. I heard a cracking sound, like lightning ripping across the sky, and the tree… the whole damned huge tree just collapsed to the ground. I sat there stunned. Then the people started coming, all running to see what happened. And that's when I saw you. For a minute, I thought you were a ghost. You look so much like Vivian, I thought it was a ghost standing there. But then I realized you were real, and I had this crazy feeling that… that everything had happened to bring me to that moment. I couldn't fight the smile on my face. I felt like a crazy person. When I saw you, I knew you were meant to be with me, Bella. I knew it the second I saw you. _That's_ why I started following you. If you want to run screaming, I get it. I just had to tell you all of this…"

Bella didn't let him finish. She got up from her seat and sat down on Edward's lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt the softness of his hair. She pressed her lips to his and felt the sweet warmth of him. She placed her hand over his heart and felt it beat. She knew he was right. They were meant to be together, and she wasn't going to fight it anymore.


End file.
